?> this is annie | Monthly Archive | November
Archive | November, 2009

Crystal clear

29 Nov

A few weeks ago, an astrologer friend slipped me my December horoscope early. While I don’t live my life by the zodiac, I enjoy reading horoscopes nonetheless. (Admit it. You do, too.) Apparently I am going to be “emotional and introspective” for most of the month, which is completely not like me at all! In addition, the stars have given me the green light to spend money on frivolous things — a nice change from the checks I’ve been writing to various doctors and hospitals. Finally, I could find myself engaged. I assume some words got chopped off there. Engaged in a to-the-death Uno battle? Engaged in a lengthy, poorly informed diatribe about tax brackets? We shall see. (more…)

More quotes from my mother

28 Nov

In another installment of things my mother said while visiting, we have a wealth of Bettyisms. Last night, she noticed that I was writing them down, and she suspected I am making fun of her. Not so. I just think that she is funnier than the average mother. Everyone who meets her thinks so, and maybe you will, too. So here they are, presented almost entirely out of context: (more…)

I have a picture of you and me in Brooklyn

27 Nov

I’ve been writing on and off all day, trying to unravel my thoughts but feeling blocked at every attempt. Sometimes it’s difficult to write because there’s nothing to say, and other times — like today — expression seems impossible because there’s too much to say. I worry about oversharing or being vague. It’s funny how easy it is to unload your thoughts to strangers, isn’t it? It’s so much riskier to be vulnerable and honest with someone who might laugh or leave.

On Monday I was thinking about Trevor a lot, and like the psychic wonder twin he is, today he called from Michigan. He sounded good; I wish we could see each other more than a couple times a year. I tried not to let my breathing give me away, but I cried a little bit because I am so grateful for him. How many times have we carried each other? How solid our friendship is, and how easy it is to talk with him. After 13 years, he already knows my greatest fear. Time and time again, he promises me it is baseless. Sometimes I even believe him.

And now we are two

26 Nov

Today my mother and I distracted ourselves so that we wouldn’t feel the ache of our first Thanksgiving without my father. Our plan worked for a while, and I got a kick out of seeing how excited she was to cruise around Marin in a rented convertible. But then night fell, and just as I was about to say that we should call Dad at the nursing home, I remembered reality and missed him. It is so strange to spend decades as a family trio, and now it’s just me and my mom. This is an uncomfortably unknown experience. Today I thought about my dad while watching waves crash into rocks, while passing the spot where we ate sourdough together, and while eating olives. (He always loved olives.) I am thankful for many, many things. Getting through today is one of them.

So you’re Team Edward, I take it?

25 Nov

My mother is not immune to New Moon mania. “I was watching Jimmy Kimmer or one of those new late-night guys and those Twilight people were on,” she was saying tonight. “They looked bored to death. And I know you think that Robert Pattison is a hunk, but you know, he has unkempt facial hair.” (more…)