My parents came to town for a few hours yesterday. We had brunch at Ann Sather with Jen, Drew, and Traci. My mother fumed at my father because he had cat hair on the sweater. My father removed himself from all conversation not related to basketball. Mumsy kept calling Traci “Terri” for some reason, and she succeeded in embarrassing me greatly toward the end of our meal.
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HOW MY MOM EMBARRASSED ME THIS TIME, a play
MOM: Have you heard about Annie’s crushes?!
JEN: Well, some—
MOM, interrupting: Well! On Monday she’s going to a concert with [established crush]. Now, you know Annie and how she gets nervous and overanalyzes things…
EVERYONE ELSE AT TABLE: Ha ha ha! No, you don’t say! Chortle chortle!
MOM: …but I think she should be confident with this one, because they have a lot in common. Now, she had told me about him last time I visited, and we saw him and I asked him about Fugazi—you know how she likes to tease me about me liking them—but she seemed convinced that he didn’t know she was alive.
ANNIE (mumbles): Moth-errr.
MOM: Well, I say he was just a little shy! So I put a Mom Hex on him! I just knew it would work! She has nothing to worry about. Now, have you heard about Whoa? Let me tell you about Whoa…
ANNIE: (crawls underneath table, dies)-FIN-