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Five (very) random musings

10 Jul

Five (very) random musings

1. There’s a lot to love about San Francisco, but its summer is not one of them. “This is bullshit,” I keep thinking as the gray sky weighs the city down. It’s JULY. I should sweat when I go outside! I live in the warmer part of the city, and still I wore a hooded sweatshirt while running errands today. In all fairness, my body is perpetually cold, but still. I miss Midwest and East Coast summers and the feeling of limitless possibility within them. (more…)

You can go home

27 Apr

…kind of.

I hadn’t been home since September, and I wasn’t home for 10 minutes before I walked out to the backyard and burst into tears. It’s strange how home — the place I spent my first 18 years, and significant moments of the ensuing 13 — can develop an unpleasant patina. Everything has a different weight.

For instance: The backyard is where I had a little zip line and Annie’s Roost, the treehouse Dad built for me. Both are gone now, and the yard isn’t as meticulously maintained as it once was. So I go there and remember, but I also see the absence of what used to be. I miss my father terribly. I am embarrassed to admit that a day hasn’t gone by without me crying about missing him, because then it seems like I’m a depressive. But if I can’t be sad about this, what can I be sad about?

I am just getting home from a night out with Jesse, JC, Miles, and (unexpectedly) Tim and John and Jimk. While I don’t miss certain aspects of Chicago (pollution, sprawl, noise) I miss my friends and family terribly. I miss walking into my old haunts to meet them and then running into other friends because this is where we go and have gone for 10 years. There is always a friend there. I don’t have that in SF, not even after almost three years.

One thing I’ve learned lately is that your old friends really are often the best ones, because they know all of your sullied parts and love you anyway. And vice versa. I am lucky to have them, and am equally grateful for newer friends who will be old ones in 10 years’ time.

Into you from the plane

26 Oct

Into you from the plane

Sabrina and I are like Salt n Pepa because when it came to this weekend, we pushed it real good. And by “it” I mean “our collective ability to pack a week’s worth of adventure into a three-day weekend.”

One of the few disappointments was the lack of Jesse time. He wasn’t feeling well (h1n1?). So Team Awesome did not get to start our new autobiographical hardcore band, FAILstorm. But otherwise, last night was pretty much perfect. JC was brilliant at his salon series, and from there it was off to the old stomping grounds of the Rainbo. Kenny couldn’t have played better songs (Wire, Magazine, Joy Division, The Jam, etc.) and while that shouldn’t really matter, it felt like a tiny welcome-back thing. Also, and more importantly, my friends spoil me with their goodness. I am fortunate. Sometimes there are things better left preserved among the people who were there, and so I am filing last night away on the shelves of my memory. It was a wonderful night, and we have the photobooth strips to prove it.